Why I Wouldn't Settle
Contributed by joycemorrison (Edited by arwen)  
Friday, August 31, 2007 @ 06:35:04 PM
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I'm in my thirties and a victim of those rude questions as to why I'm not yet married, why I
 don't have a decent boyfriend to speak of, what the hell's wrong with me. But why force
myself? If I don't feel it in my bones that I'm supposed to be with a guy, we surely
wouldn't be. I mean, we could be "okay" together, and fine, we'll be friends. But if
he can't get past my black nail polish or I don't dig his chain-smoking habit, there's zero
chance for us to be more than pals. I'll get off at the next stop, thank you very much.

It doesn't even sound appealing, "settling down." It's not like you find the chair you are most
comfortable with and then sit on it like a Lazy Boy. Is that what a relationship is? There might
 be some who'd say, why yes, that's exactly what a good relationship is. But I trust it's more
 than that. I need no Lazy Boy -- I want a rocking chair. Comfort is good, but I need Passion.
 I need Fire that will be stoked with an equal Fire of my own. Carrie Bradshaw couldn't have
said it plainer to the Russian: I want a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without
-each-other Love. A tall order but hey, it's worth the wait.

It's not that I don't go out and meet guys. I do. I understand that I have to do my part of
being -- what do you call it? -- "out there". Jeez, I've been out there for as long as I can
remember. I enjoy and have fun hanging out with them. And I must admit that there are a couple
of "prospective" blokes around, a few even quite perfect to be with, you know? Just not the one
 for me.

So what do I look for in a man, I've been asked countless times. None of your freakin' business,
 I've replied. But once and for all, here goes.. it's pretty simple, actually: I want someone
who'll make my heart bounce. For the rest of my life.

No "honeymoon period" for us. I want a relationship with a honeymoon all throughout, right
until our dying day. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps. But I'm stubborn as stubborn does. I
 just know that there's a guy who's capable to perpetually woo me even after we've had 3
children, 6 grandchildren, and 12 great grandchildren. And he need not worry for I shall as
well accordingly respond to his courtship.

I never forgot what I read in one of my personal bibles (The Bridge Across Forever, Richard
Bach, Dell Books). It went something, like, we must not settle for a lukewarm lover and mild
 happiness. For deep down we know that lukewarm will turn cold, and mild happiness will become
a nameless sadness.

I certainly will try my darn best not to fall into such death trap. I agree that it's nice to
 have someone to share things with and all that. But if it were merely for the sake of having a
 boyfriend, let alone a husband -- I wouldn't be only fooling myself, but also be leading the
poor guy on. Being selfish is purely human, but I'll take my chances. Besides, I'd rather be
 single and endure the tactless comments of relatives and old schoolmates, than be with someone
who doesn't have the gift to good-naturedly suffer my querks.

And what would make my heart bounce? Aarr. Let that be the deliciously incandescent quality of
 the man. Really, if I have to give out instructions.. man, I'd rather kill myself.

So I sound a tad jaded. Big deal. Even my own best friends accuse me of being a.. commitment-
phobe. Now, waitjustaneffingminute! What am I, a man? Heaven forbid. Please. I don't chicken
out of engagements. I don't dangle my mate like a puppet. I don't string along.. oh alright. I
 don't mean to offend the opposite gender, considering my would-be significant other is part of
 the male specie. Come to think of it, I think these commitment-phobic people only seem that
 way because they simply haven't met their match, you know? And when they do, they'd just know
it. Just the way I would, too. I don't jump into pseudo-relationships because of the sole but
crystal clear reason that I'm holding out for The One. Yes, The One Who Will Make My Heart
Bounce. Is that so hard to understand?

The ever cynical Janeane Garofalo reckons that there might be one person in the world for you,
but you don't get to meet them. But there are some people who are good at making the person
they're with the one. Not bad. But, who really knows, eh? I follow my own heart. Period. When
it's time, it's time.

Listen, I am not made of stone, even if others around me think otherwise. I know that there is
 that one man who can take my many-times-broken heart and magically, effortlessly make it as
whole and as bouncy as it could ever be. I confess that it's taking ages for me to find him
(and him to find me) but it will all be worth it. I just don't want to end up with a prick,
that's all.